A Collection of Shards

Today I am an old person! I hate everything. I hate this new thing in particular. Harrumph! New things suck. I haven't liked a new thing since the advent of flowering plants. Grass! Whose idea was that. Gives the herbivores ideas. All that herding and ruminating. Bah! Kids these days and their "likes". I'll tell you what! I have a big, sore, pustulent DISLIKE of that new thing over there. And this one here. Harrumph! Can you imagine kids actually watching this new stuff? They must not know anything at all! Old stuff is the best. I know that fur damn sure, becaues I'm old and I'm the BEST. Now get out of my fern tree forest. Lawn? Don't hold with em. Too new. Grass. Bah!

Woe and alas, my friends, for your beloved lynxboy is laid low by a hideous virus. I am no fit sight for your sweet eyes. My fur is matted, my eyes are dull, my poor gray whiskers droop with misery. AND I HAVE A HEADACHE BEHIND MY RIGHT EAR. You guys. Do I even HAVE sinuses back there? If so, why god why?

I shall now crawl away and bury my poor head in a box of tylenol. Until later, my friends, when things are brighter and I can smell the world again.

Ice cream is great and all, but it doesn't fight back.

Your lynxboy emerges, frost-free, from what was a shockingly mild winter when I think back on it now. Alarming. Spring has arrived just in time, with a crop of small fuzzy creatures whose eyes are just opening, who are hatching and stretching and seeing daylight for the first time in their short lives. I love this time of year. I never go hungry.

YOU GUYS. Has it really been three years since I posted? You would not recognize your darling Lynxboy now. So much has changed! Like I need a haircut, for instance. And there is gray in my whiskers. WOE ALAS. It's true. Your Lynxboy has gotten old! And in such a short time! Tragedy!

Right well yes then now what? Blogging. I have been doing THINGS, my friends, great and wonderful things. But now it is the holiday weekend (which holiday? THE holiday. Don't question it.) and it is time for finding sunny places to stretch out and relax. Pray for some sunshine tomorrow, my friends, or I shall be utterly without plans for the day.

Oh dude. Dude. Livejournal is a thing, dude. Wow.

Sometimes, when you make a suggestion, the other person will say "oh, well, I can't because X." This is not a challenge. This is someone trying not to piss you off by saying "no." Insisting that the person follow your suggestion makes you an asshole.

Sometimes it's easier just to stop.

OMG do I ever feel like crap.

Wait, that's not a good way to start this.

Trying again.

Hello! And welcome back to the Lynxboy show! On last week's episode, I made my dramatic return to LiveJournal and then got stuck in Real Life for way way way too long. In this week's episode, um...

So I was at the grocery store yesterday and I saw their "emergency procedures" binder. It was neatly divided by big, friendly tabs into sections by topic. Topics like "Returned Item," "Shoplifting" and "Product Recall." There were also topics like "Severe Weather," "Extortion" and "Civil Unrest." Which of these things is not like the other? On one hand, I'm not sure "Returned item" counts as an emergency; on the other, I'm alarmed that they feel that "Civil Unrest" is likely enough to have a whole separate section on it. They did have the national guard patrolling in KC after the floods, I guess, and that wasn't too long ago.

So hopefully I'll be posting more in the future. Don't count on it, though! Real Life is a sucking vacuum that just keeps drawing me back in...

Awright, I'm back! And I don't really have time to post much right now. Dear god, are my older posts embarrassing. I've set a few of them private just to salve my ego. Not the poem, though. Some things we must owe up to.

And what, you ask, has the lynx-boy been up to? Working working working! And not making much money at it, honestly. How disturbing. But I have a job, I am financially in-de-pen-dant, and it feels great.

And... I haveta run. Good night and good luck!